A well meaning friend said to me the other day, "Oh, is your back bothering you again?" As I was bent over, hobbling around with my cane in hand. Somewhere inside me I felt that small voice start to scream "I'm always in pain, how could you forget that?"
Honestly, people mean well and I have the most wonderful friends. But when you suffer with chronic pain, be it physical, emotional or spiritual, it is a part of your very existence. To deny it would be to deny your very breath. That sounds so unbelievable, unless you are the sufferer.
I'd love to hear from you about your denial or acceptance of your pain.
It is essential to accept that which you can not change. Once we accept our pain, it is only then that we can begin to manage it. My goal is to help us all manage our pain a little better. People who ignore their pain sometimes end up using other things to numb it down. Some destructive behaviors that I've seen people in pain do to temporarily feel better are, overeating, sexual addiction and alcohol, just to name a few.
If we are lucky we come into this world perfect. Throughout life we become damaged and sometimes that damage turns into pain. In order to accept the pain, a lot of us go through the five stages of grief. This theory was originally written by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross an instructor at University of Chicago. It was devised to address the states of grief one goes through when a loved one dies. It has since been used as a model for dealing with great loss in a persons life.
The five states of grief are: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. We don't go through these in a certain order. We may go through all of them just to repeat them again and again. We may get stuck in one stage never moving to acceptance. But we will go through them. And it will be as individual as each person is.
Denial - The inability to acknowledge that one is physically altered, emotionally hurt or spiritually void.
Anger - This is a powerful emotion. People will often place blame on others or them self during this stage. Although this stage is necessary for growth, my hope for you is that this stage is short lived because it can be very destructive. It does however move you out of denial.
Bargaining - If you believe in God or a higher power, people often will bargain for a reduced amount of pain or the absence of it. "If you will take away my pain I promise I'll do this..."
Depression - What I call the pit of despair. A person will often give up. "Why should I bother cleaning house, cooking, getting out of bed, etc." A person can become even more withdrawn. Don't become stuck here my friend. There is no future for you here. But tears, yes tears, cleanse the soul and allows you to move onto acceptance.
Acceptance - You have arrived at homeostasis, a place of balance for your mind. Even though you are still in physical, emotional or spiritual pain, you can, at this stage begin to heal.
Healing, not for a cure but a journey to wholeness, again. Healing may come in the form of a hobby. For instance, as a therapy I began botanical painting a few years back. I find that while I'm painting my pain is diminished and afterward I have something tangible I've created! Find something that feeds your soul. Maybe for you it's reading a series of good books. Maybe for you it's writing in a journal. Maybe for you it's gardening, working on cars, going to the beach. Buy a puppy, go to lunch with a friend. You get the idea. Get out, move your body and your mind!
Blessings to you today!
Honestly, people mean well and I have the most wonderful friends. But when you suffer with chronic pain, be it physical, emotional or spiritual, it is a part of your very existence. To deny it would be to deny your very breath. That sounds so unbelievable, unless you are the sufferer.
I'd love to hear from you about your denial or acceptance of your pain.
It is essential to accept that which you can not change. Once we accept our pain, it is only then that we can begin to manage it. My goal is to help us all manage our pain a little better. People who ignore their pain sometimes end up using other things to numb it down. Some destructive behaviors that I've seen people in pain do to temporarily feel better are, overeating, sexual addiction and alcohol, just to name a few.
If we are lucky we come into this world perfect. Throughout life we become damaged and sometimes that damage turns into pain. In order to accept the pain, a lot of us go through the five stages of grief. This theory was originally written by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross an instructor at University of Chicago. It was devised to address the states of grief one goes through when a loved one dies. It has since been used as a model for dealing with great loss in a persons life.
The five states of grief are: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. We don't go through these in a certain order. We may go through all of them just to repeat them again and again. We may get stuck in one stage never moving to acceptance. But we will go through them. And it will be as individual as each person is.
Denial - The inability to acknowledge that one is physically altered, emotionally hurt or spiritually void.
Anger - This is a powerful emotion. People will often place blame on others or them self during this stage. Although this stage is necessary for growth, my hope for you is that this stage is short lived because it can be very destructive. It does however move you out of denial.
Bargaining - If you believe in God or a higher power, people often will bargain for a reduced amount of pain or the absence of it. "If you will take away my pain I promise I'll do this..."
Depression - What I call the pit of despair. A person will often give up. "Why should I bother cleaning house, cooking, getting out of bed, etc." A person can become even more withdrawn. Don't become stuck here my friend. There is no future for you here. But tears, yes tears, cleanse the soul and allows you to move onto acceptance.
Acceptance - You have arrived at homeostasis, a place of balance for your mind. Even though you are still in physical, emotional or spiritual pain, you can, at this stage begin to heal.
Healing, not for a cure but a journey to wholeness, again. Healing may come in the form of a hobby. For instance, as a therapy I began botanical painting a few years back. I find that while I'm painting my pain is diminished and afterward I have something tangible I've created! Find something that feeds your soul. Maybe for you it's reading a series of good books. Maybe for you it's writing in a journal. Maybe for you it's gardening, working on cars, going to the beach. Buy a puppy, go to lunch with a friend. You get the idea. Get out, move your body and your mind!
Blessings to you today!
Very wise advise...
ReplyDeleteYou are my hero!!!
ReplyDeleteGreat insight Debra although painfully acquired.
ReplyDeleteI don’t know if you’ve read much about the suffering saints of the past but they too learned the benefits of suffering. Take a look;
"To Love and To Suffer" - The Science of the Saints
We live in a world that flees from suffering. Since the time of our youth, we have been raised to view suffering as an impediment to happiness; that the less we suffer, the happier we will be. This belief is common not only to secularists, but also to some religious groups as well. To many, suffering is viewed as an evil without value, and thus any means should be taken to avoid even a common cold. Yet, in the writings of the Saints, we find an entirely different reality; that it is precisely suffering that strengthens us, humbles us, and forges us into saints. But more than this, we discover that suffering is of such inestimable redemptive worth, that nothing equals it in heaven or on earth. As Our Lord told Saint Faustina; "If the angels were capable of envy, they would envy us for two things: one is the receiving of Holy Communion, and the other is suffering."
I agree with your comments about suffering in that suffering makes us stronger and we, if inclined in that way, become closer to our God. I have found great solace in the book of 1 Peter, such as verses 12 and 13. "Beloved, do not think it strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you; but rejoice to the extent that you partake of Christ's sufferings, that when His glory is revealed, you may also be glad with exceeding joy." We will suffer in life, in some way or another. That is unimportant, what is important is who you ultimately become through your suffering. Do you become weak and empty or do you become stronger and fortified. I choose the later.
ReplyDelete