Pain is ...

You've seen these silly pain faces, that is if you've been in the hospital.  But what about in your everyday life?  Do you ever wish you could paint one of these on your forehead so that when people look at you they'd instantly know how you were feeling?   I do!   People tell me all the time "But you don't look like your in pain!"  What does that mean?

The sad truth is that even though people are well intended they really have no idea what it is like to live a painful life and that it can feel unbearable even on the best days.  Honestly, those days that I'm able to leave the house, with a little makeup and dressed decently, are the days that the pain is actually managed.   I am never pain free.   But more often than not, by the time I get ready to go somewhere I'm in so much pain I have to cancel.   If you weren't in emotional pain before, you certainly are now, not to mention, what that isolation does to your soul.

Pain is subjective, you can't see it, feel it, hear it, or smell it.  Unless you have an obvious visual medical problem.  But let's assume you don't.  Our circle of family and friends get up everyday, go off and do their day, without a thought about pain.  And here we are!  One, we have to get our hurting bodies out of bed, two, we have to struggle to get off to work, assuming you can work,  and three, we have to be around people all day who have no clue how much pain we are in. 

What is pain anyway?  Pain is whatever you say it is!  What?  Really?  Yes, you get to decide what your pain is!  Not your spouse, friend, mother or doctor.    In 1968 a nurse by the name of Margo McCaffery revolutionized the medical assessment of pain by suggesting that pain was whatever a patient said it was and that it was happening when the patient said it was.  Before this,  however, those in the medical field often decided when you were in pain.  Of course not all doctors and nurses felt that way but unfortunately some did.  A great deal of the general public today still believe they have the right to tell you if you were in pain.  You know those people.  "It doesn't hurt that bad."  "You'd feel better if you'd just do this..."  "You can't hurt every day!"  "You should be used to it by now."

What does that mean to you and me?  My opening blog was about acceptance of our pain.  Self validation is of utmost importance because pain can strip you of your voice.  When we lose our voice, our tenacity for life is impacted.  Acknowledging that you are in pain and having a voice to say to your loved ones  "I'm in pain",  is winning half the battle.   What if they doubt you?  Well, I hope they will at least begin to believe you.  We can't control how others think.  The only thing we can control is our own words that we put out into the universe.  But we can help our loved ones by having the conversation with them about our pain.  You may find that they are in pain as well.   If your pain is within a relationship,  then bringing it out may not only help you to begin to heal but maybe you can then start the healing process together.

It is important for you to find people to talk to about your pain, be it a friend, therapist or doctor.  We are not meant to live in this world isolated from others.   As hard as it is to reach out to others while in pain, we must take those small steps.   Begin the journey from isolation to a warm hug from a friend.    And on the really bad days, paint a silly pain face on your forehead and stay home to feed your soul.  Take a bubble bath, listen to music, call a friend, read a good book.  Do something that elevates your mood.

Blessings to you today!

Additional reading:
http://www.deathreference.com/Nu-Pu/Pain-and-Pain-Management.html
http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?res=9A0DE3DE1131F935A35752C1A9619C8B63&pagewanted=all

Breathe

My wonderful daughter talked me into getting a full body message for Mothers Day.  It was better than I thought it would be.  As soon as the very petite woman with mans hands touched my neck I relaxed.  As she aptly palpated and soothed each muscle on my body the more I began to breathe.

As you probably know, living with chronic pain tends to make a person tense and anxious all day.  I was so thankful for the ability to float away and escape the pain for awhile.  As a result I slept ten uninterrupted hours!  Prior to last night I haven't slept more than four hours at a time.  Always waking up to exquisite pain around 3:00AM.

Massages are not for everyone and I recommend you talk to your doctor before considering having one.  (You will come to know this statement is my mantra, because I am a Registered Nurse and not a doctor,  I can not give you medical advice).

Other good modalities for reducing pain are, deep breathing, guided imagery, biofeedback and prayer or meditation.  These all release hormones that cause you to relax, which ultimately cause healing.  Believe me, I use them all!

When I say pain, I am speaking of spiritual, emotional and physical pain, because we are a whole being.   We are all spiritual, we all share emotions and we all walk in a physical body.   When we hurt emotionally our body responds with aches and pains.  When we hurt spiritually the world becomes gray, leaving us emotionally empty and disconnected from our physicality.  And when we are in physical pain it makes us emotionally and spiritually changed.

Deep breathing causes the release of the hormone, endorphin.  When I say deep breathing, I mean breath in slowly filling your lungs from the top of your chest to your upper abdomen and ending in your lower belly.  Breathe out even slower through pursed lips, slowly counting as you blow.   Do this three times.  Wait.  Don't read, do it now!  This may take some practice especially if you are very tense and not used to concentrating on your body in this way. You may feel a little lightheaded so don't stand up right away.  This feeling is the endorphin release or endorphin rush.

Endorphin is produced by the pituitary gland.  When it is released it gives us a warm fuzzy feeling.  Endorphins are produced when we eat, kiss, make love, exercise and even fight.  Have you ever been physically injured and not felt it right away?  In this case it is the release of the endorphin hormone that allows one to continue moving.  This is obviously designed for the completion of the fight or flight response we and animals share.  Endorphins are released when we are doing something that ensures our survival.  Aren't we wonderfully, beautifully made!

Guided imagery is used when a therapist guides you through your mind on a journey using mental clues to elicit visual, auditory, and olfactory responses.  The purpose is to take your mind off your pain issues and travel to a place in your mind that is safe and happy.  You can do this yourself.  In a quiet place close your eyes and let your mind relax.  Maybe start with a prayer or meditation.  Think of a trip you took or want to take.  Imagine everything, the sun, shining warm on your face,  the salty smell of the ocean, the sound of the waves crashing on the sandy shore.  Feel the wind blowing your hair and the sand between your toes.  Listen to the children's laughter.  Imagine yourself physically there.  Enjoy the soothing respite.  As you can tell my relaxation place is my favorite beach in Hawaii. 

Prayer and meditation have been used since the beginning of human history for pain, be it physical emotional or spiritual.  How often do we cry out to God when we are at a terribly low time in our life.  There have been many studies on prayer and the human brain.  With the advancement of medical imagery we have already discovered that during prayer and meditation there is a profound change in brain activity.   I know that God wants us to be silent and give our problems over to Him.  Whatever your belief system, know that your higher power is there wanting for you to call out and receive peace and relief from your pain.

Blessings to you today!

Additional reading:
And this is your brain on prayers
Biofeedback
Guided Imagery

Acceptance

A well meaning friend said to me the other day, "Oh, is your back bothering you again?"  As I was bent over, hobbling around with my cane in hand.  Somewhere inside me I felt that small voice start to scream  "I'm always in pain, how could you forget that?" 

Honestly, people mean well and I have the most wonderful friends.  But when you suffer with  chronic pain, be it physical, emotional or spiritual, it is a part of your very existence.  To deny it would be to deny your very breath.  That sounds so unbelievable, unless you are the sufferer.

I'd love to hear from you about your denial or acceptance of your pain.

It is essential to accept that which you can not change.   Once we accept our pain, it is only then that we can begin to manage it.  My goal is to help us all manage our pain a little better.  People who ignore their pain sometimes end up using other things to numb it down.   Some destructive behaviors that I've seen people in pain do to temporarily feel better are, overeating, sexual addiction and alcohol, just to name a few.

If we are lucky we come into this world perfect.  Throughout life we become damaged and sometimes that damage turns into pain.  In order to accept the pain, a lot of us go through the five stages of grief.  This theory was originally written by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross an instructor at University of Chicago.  It was devised to address the states of grief one goes through when a loved one dies.  It has since been used as a model for dealing with great loss in a persons life.

The five states of grief are: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.  We don't go through these in a certain order.  We may go through all of them just to repeat them again and again.   We may get stuck in one stage never moving to acceptance.  But we will go through them.  And it will be as individual as each person is.

Denial -  The inability to acknowledge that one is physically altered, emotionally hurt or spiritually void.

Anger -  This is a powerful emotion.  People will often place blame on others or them self during this stage.   Although this stage is necessary for growth, my hope for you is that this stage is short lived because it can be very destructive.  It does however move you out of denial.

Bargaining -  If you believe in God or a higher power, people often will bargain for a reduced amount of pain or the absence of it.  "If you will take away my pain I promise I'll do this..."

Depression -  What I call the pit of despair.  A person will often give up.  "Why should I bother cleaning house, cooking, getting out of bed, etc."  A person can become even more withdrawn.    Don't become stuck here my friend.  There is no future for you here.  But tears, yes tears, cleanse the soul and allows you to move onto acceptance.

Acceptance -  You have arrived at homeostasis, a place of balance for your mind.  Even though you are still in physical, emotional or spiritual pain,  you can, at this stage begin to heal.

Healing, not for a cure but a journey to wholeness, again.  Healing may come in the form of a hobby.  For instance, as a therapy I began botanical painting a few years back.  I find that while I'm painting my pain is diminished and afterward I have something tangible I've created!   Find something that feeds your soul.  Maybe for you it's reading a series of good books.  Maybe for you it's writing in a journal.  Maybe for you it's gardening, working on cars, going to the beach.  Buy a puppy, go to lunch with a friend.  You get the idea.  Get out, move your body and your mind!

Blessings to you today!